Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
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Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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