I'm laying in your front yard are you home
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
