Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
