pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
