too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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