guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
There's even glitter on my cock...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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