my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The adults are the big ones right?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
