i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
