Pappa wants mamma naked
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
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At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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