I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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