So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.