he told me I talked like a deaf person
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week