Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.