Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night