Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.