cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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