i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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