If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
