Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
