just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
