Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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