Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
