I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
