bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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