he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
