Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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