she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize