Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
