remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
