can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
