Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
