why didn't you poke me back
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
