so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
