Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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