ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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