So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
