I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It was confusing and full of hummus
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
