i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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