I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
