Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
