I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
