Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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