is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
