is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You dont lie about slip and slides
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize