It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
