Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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