next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.