Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.