I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just googled if crying burns calories
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
