Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
