I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
