I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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