last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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