You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
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I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
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oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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