distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
