I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need to get me chipped asap
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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