North Korea, Best Korea!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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