he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
