Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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