Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
