Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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